Kitchen in the Treehouse

 The Kitchen in the Treehouse: What One Childhood Moment Reveals about Sex

Differences

Steven J. Ceresnie, Ph.D.

Thirty years ago, a bright, confident 10-year-old girl, who I’ll call Susan, entered therapy

because her stable and loving parents worried she had no female friends. Susan preferred

spending time with boys in her neighborhood. During one session, she described a moment that

has stayed with me as a vivid illustration of what developmental science tells us about sex

differences.

Susan and several boys had just finished building an elaborate treehouse, with the help of

one boy’s father. When up in the treehouse for the first time, the kids took turns suggesting

improvements. One boy mentioned a better ladder, another boy mentioned a hide-out, another

boy suggested a quick escape plan. When it came to Susan’s turn, she asked a simple, practical

question: “Where are we going to put the kitchen?”

The boys groaned and laughed. Susan felt confused. She wasn’t trying to be funny. She

thought she made a practical suggestion about how the group might use the space.

It reminds me of the old joke: Everybody knows there are differences between males and

females – except for social scientists.

This vignette is consistent with a consensus of scientific findings about sex differences.

Of course there are sex differences between males and females. These differences do not imply

that one sex is better or worse than the other – just different.

I will briefly discuss the findings under several categories:

Early Emergence of Sex-Typed Preferences

As early as 12 to 24 months, males show interest in physically active play, have fun with

toy cars, trucks, buses, and building things; females favor playing with dolls and

social/caregiving play.

People-Things Dimension

One of strongest sex differences is the “people-things” dimension. On average, females

score higher on people-oriented interests; males show elevations on thing-oriented interests.

Susan’s vignette aligns with reliable female-typical preferences for a communal, caring space in

the treehouse. The suggestions of the boys for a ladder, a hide-out, or a quick escape route are

consistent with boys’ preference for action-oriented adventure.

This People – Thing dimension also shows up in different occupational choice between

males and females.

Peer Enforcement of Gender Norms

Studies find that peers strongly influence sex differences especially in the middle school

years. The boys’ reaction to Susan’s suggestion of a kitchen illustrates this reinforcement of

gender norms – not meant as a rejection of Susan.

On a side note, my experience asking middle school youngsters what are the differences

between sexes shows kids are always on the lookout for these differences – however implausible.

I remember a seven-year-old boy telling me that when girls drink from a cup, they look inside

the cup; when boys drink from a cup, they look at the ceiling. For the next few weeks, I observed

how boys and girls drink from a cup.

Cognitive Differences

Many research studies demonstrate a small difference in most intellectual domains, with a

moderate difference showing boys with higher scores in spatial abilities, and females with small

differences in verbal skills.

Personality Differences

Cross cultural studies indicate sex differences on the Big Five Personality Traits, with

females more elevated on agreeableness and neuroticism, and males slightly more elevated on

assertiveness.

Aggression and Risk-Taking

Not surprisingly, males score higher on measures of physical aggression and risk-taking,

and females show a small higher score on relational aggression. Boys prefer rough-and-tumble

play.

Evolutionary Psychological Perspective

The evolutionary perspective is an alternative explanation for sex differences – an

explanation that resonates with my beliefs. My thinking about evolution and psychology has

been influenced by such books as Robert Wright’s “The Moral Animal,” David Buss’ “The

Evolution of Desire” and “Why Men Behave Badly,” and Steve Stewart-Williams’ “The Ape that

Understood the Universe.”

Over millions of years, males took risks, built coalition-based competition, and developed

tool use. Females were more engaged in social bonding, child-rearing, social relationships,

nurturing, and resource management. These differences show up in child’s play and interests.

There is a well-developed literature showing differences between males and females on

the process of mate selection.

The Gender Equality Paradox: Evidence from Scandinavia

A most surprising finding is that in the most gender-equal countries on Earth, sex

differences are largest, not smallest.

For example, across 55 nations, personality differences in agreeableness and neuroticism

were larger in Sweden and Norway than in less egalitarian countries. Men’s preference for

“things” and women’s preference for “people” was strongest in Norway, Sweden, and Finland. It

was also found that gender differences in personality increase with prosperity and equality.

Why this gender equality paradox?

One hypothesis is that when social constraints are removed, innate preferences are much

more commonly expressed.

Gender Neutral Parenting

With good intentions, some parents hope to reduce gender stereotypes. That is, some

parents allow children to explore activities outside traditional gender roles and do not restrict

identity development.

Parents who advocate a gender-neutral approach to parents believe that differences

between males and females are primarily caused by socialization – not biology. However, the

evidence demonstrates that gender-neutral parenting does not eliminate sex differences.

My Key Takeaways from Gender Research

It is important to remember that biology provides tendencies. The environment shapes

these tendencies, and personality makes each child unique.

Sex differences are strong, but not deterministic. There is much variability within each

sex.

Preferences do not imply an identity conflict.

Susan’s preferences were normal. Her request for a kitchen in the treehouse is consistent

with research that girls are interested in practical, people-oriented, nurturing ideas. Her behavior

has been supported in cross-cultural research. Boys, on the other hand, often focus on adventure

and structure.

I think many bright, confident girls find it easier to connect with boys because of their

desire for adventure and activity-based play. Susan actually displayed strong social skills. Her

efforts to make a kitchen reflect female play patterns for a shared, comfortable space. In other

words, she was just looking after members of her group.

(To comment on this article, contact Dr. Ceresnie at sceresnie@gmail.com)